Personal Insight: A Lesson in Faith, Trust and Self-confidence

Taking a leap of faith can be terrifying. Stuck between that feeling of knowing you can do it and that constant voice of doubt. You know, the one that likes to come out at night, describing the worst-case scenarios. 

This has been my existence for the last ten months.

Last May, I decided to take a career break. I was unhappy. No, actually, I was miserable; with work, friends and life in general. So I took a break to regroup and think about what I wanted from life.

Okay, now what? Do nothing

For the first few months, I found myself unfocused and scattered.  

At the back of my mind, I could hear this ticking clock of when I’d need to find new employment (I still had bills to pay!).

Then I got sick. Twice. It was like being tagged-teamed, as soon as I recovered from one illness and another popped up. I was out of action for about three weeks. At that time, I barely left the house and couldn’t focus on anything, which wasn’t unusual for me. Still, on this occasion, it was out of my control. 

But, this cloud had a silver lining; it forced me to stop and think about why I had left, why I was unhappy and what I could do to change my trajectory.

This wasn’t the first break I’d taken, but I was determined this time would be different. I set a deadline for the end of August to return to the workforce, and I had a plan for how I’d find what I wanted from life and myself. 

I wrote and submitted two TV pilots from May to August and visited museums, libraries, etc. Nothing was getting me closer to my calling or gaining clarity on my life purpose.

So, I meditated and asked myself questions some questions: 

• What do I want from life?
• What didn’t I like about the last 18 months?
• What did I need to change within myself to remain grounded, regardless of the noise around me?

I asked my spirit collective for help and guidance, and they came through via dreams and meditation. However, the message was clear: they would help, but I needed to be clear on what I wanted. What got me fired up? 

I realised that getting ill was the only way I would stop faffing and focus on my goals and my spiritual journey.   

I want it, and I want it now!

Each day it became more apparent what I wanted to achieve, but that voice of doubt was getting louder. I’d look at job boards, and that voice would scream:

• Did I have enough experience to move into my preferred field of employment? I did. 
• I’d have to take a pay cut. I had researched roles, and I didn’t.
• Did I have the right emotional intelligence to last in that profession? Yes, and no, but this was why I needed to work on myself before returning to the world. 

Whilst I’m happy to work with divine timing, I can be stubborn. So that, combined with the unfounded belief that I was running out of money, was screaming at me daily. Despite knowing I still needed time to regroup emotionally, I made it clear to my Guides that I wanted a new role by the end of August. Cut to all my Guides giving a collective sigh whilst rolling their eyes.

During the last week of August, I was contacted about a role, had the interview and was offered the position. It was more money, a reputable company, and I’d get to work from home. I turned it down.

So I got what I asked for (thank you, Guides!), but it felt wrong. I knew deep down taking that role would set me back and force me to restart a cycle. I had to trust my intuition. 

This happened two more times (my Guides have the patience of saints). Each time I set a target date, they would deliver without fail. 

Trust, Faith and Self-confidence

After I was offered the last job, I realised two things.

(1) The Universe had my back, and they would provide. 

(2) These were also tests. Was I clear on what I wanted? And did I have the strength to stand by my inner knowing and accept nothing less than I deserved?

This has been an exercise of trust and faith in myself and the Universe. 

On paper, all three jobs were okay, more money, large reputable organisations, and decent colleagues, but none felt right. I had to get creative with my reasons for turning them down; saying, “It doesn’t feel right” isn’t appropriate in a corporate setting. But I knew deep down all three were suitable for someone, but not me. 

Conclusion

This journey, whilst not yet over, has taught me so much about myself and the world around me. I’ve had to dig deep within and be patient with myself to work through my issues, stand by my inner knowing that the right role is making its way to me, and trust that all will be well.

I have been given the gift of time, something that I give thanks for every day.